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[16 May 2009|10:38am] |
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 hopeful |
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What a year it has been. It's been about that long since I've posted anything of substance. I often wonder where it is best to draw the line of the usefulness of reflection. I wouldn't want to lose the memories, so for the purpose of retention, the more the better. However, for the purpose of learning and moving on, less is more.
Flux, as mentioned in a post almost exactly a year ago, is inescapable. To believe that it is something that one can just fluidly go along with is unrealistic. Little did I know, many of the things I mentioned are tenets of buddhist thought, something I would like to learn more about. Yes, we go along with it, resistant or consentual, because we have no choice. There is no option to stay in the present. Time says no. Try as one might, this impossible task may be responsible for the abundance of outdated hair and furniture... hah. No seriously.
Springtime truly is a time of growth and change. Not only in nature, but, possibly coincidentally, usually in my own personal life as well. Each year around this time, I seem to go through this gut wrenching and terrifying shift in circumstances. Always different from the year before, but often similar in magnitude. I have a suspicion that it all boils down to just fear of the unknown. Sometimes it's exciting and I always find a way to intellectualize it or make it positive.
It makes me wonder if life is always going to be this way, or if it's just this way now because I'm young and my life happens to be going through changes characteristic of my age group. I'm inclined to think that both are true. As an agent in the universe, it is not as if I am a passive recipient to the whims of my environment. The choices I make drive many of these changes, though not all. Sometimes shit just happens.
I strongly doubt that I am alone in my crises. There are thousands of graduates every year who face the world with excitement and trepidation. I wonder why we are so inclined to resist change. evolutionarily it seems really counterproductive. Anyway. That's all I've got for now, I think.
Peace
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[09 Jun 2008|05:55pm] |
I have a Date!
:D
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| The fuck up |
[08 May 2008|01:25pm] |
I did a bad thing. Does that make me a bad person?
It didn't FEEL wrong. But it was.
Then, I did it again. Still wrong.
Then I tried to do the right thing.
But wanted to do the bad thing.
So I did.
I was not alone. Safety in numbers? No.
Should not. Shame. Hurt. Temptation.
The Ambiguous Absent Victim. Unaware.
Oblivious to injustice. What if it were you?
Wrong. How would you feel? What have you done?
Is it irreparable? Unfixable? Permanent?
And not to mention the heart of the other.
It's so... Conflicted. Your. Fault.
No. Our fault. We share responsibility.
Where is my heart? Trespassing. Retreat to familiar territory.
To safety. To cooler waters.
Let go of the unattainable which you have already attained.
Let it heal. You always pick the scab. Let it be.
Resist. Wait. Endure.
Suffer. Pay for your sins. Feel a fraction of the harm you have done.
Learn. Evolve. Be more. Understand, Fully.
You were burned and blistered by the fire you ignited. The inferno.
Rest. Re-focus. Continue as before. Wonder and hope for your desired outcome.
It will be ok.
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| old toys |
[20 Jun 2007|12:16pm] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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Anyone remember the toys in the 90s? The one I’m thinking of is a plush dog with long legs and round rubber paws that walked when you pulled the leash. I cant find it for the life of me on google. Help!
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| life recently |
[13 Apr 2007|01:31pm] |
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mood |
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chipper |
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So a few weekends ago... well the weekend before easter, I went with my grandma to the psychic fair in reno to help her run her aura photo booth, the weekend after that I decorated eggs and spent easter with my family., and then I was on spring break, so I planted flowers in my little plot of dirt on my patio, and a small herb garden in pots on my dinind room window sill.
Plants outside:
(in ground)
geranuims
pansies
marigolds
coleus
mini roses
nasturtuims
(in pots)
rosemary
marigolds
pansies
nasturtium
Plants inside:
basil
sage
thyme
chives
spearmint
catnip
chamomile
african violet
So I'm happy. I love my garden :)I've since gone back to school, and it's going to be the weekend again, and i need to clean house BAD. I'll do that soon, along with grocery shopping. Work is alright. my boss is gone for the next week and a half so WOOHOOO!!!!!!
Life is pretty great.
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| OT post |
[06 Apr 2007|02:47am] |
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mood |
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 busy |
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I have about 3 quarts of chicken stock leftover from dinner last night, and I'd feel really wasteful throwing it out. Any good recipe ideas or things to do with it?
TIA!
xposted to naturalliving
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[23 Mar 2007|02:40pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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I caught the flu.
I ache.
:(
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[16 Feb 2007|08:36am] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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Sometimes I wonder if there will be a revolution during my lifetime. Then I think about it and go... um.. DUH. I think, that it would be very awesome to like.. start a village, and live like the native americans did. We could grow our own food, and if we absolutely needed to buy something we could get it from a co-op, and we could all contribute something and live as a real community. Our society has lost the meaning of community. Community is not recognizing the checker at the grocery store and smiling politely because you know youll see them next time you're there. It's knowing the grocer by name, asking how his kids are, he knows that your youngest has an allergy to peanuts so he recommends this other product instead. community is not peering out the windows wondering what problems Mrs. Johnson across the street and her husband are going through. Community is knowning, and helping. IDEALLY, we would reconnect with the earth and tap into the part of our brain that allows us to communicate with one another mentally. Unfortunately, however, we cant do that. Not without being condemned as a cult or having to worry about the sickos taking advantage of the community and abusing out children. SO. Maybe a small community. 10 people or so. some friends and their families. This isnt to say that I dont like our form of government. Its important to preserve democracy, so of course we could do all this within the law. I just dont like what the government has become.
I dont know if I'll have that community. But I will have my own land, on which I will have my home and grow my food. I dont need this consumerist bullshit.
And to think, I used to be a republican.
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| Fun game |
[29 Jan 2007|10:34pm] |
THE RULES:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I respond by asking you five personal questions so I can get to know you better!
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
I was interviewed by My favorite Meg. (the only Meg)
Mine:
1) Is there anything you regret not doing in your life? If so, what is it?
Hm, I try not to regret things because I really believe that no matter how bad something is, there is something that can be learned from it. I guess I regret not paying closer attention on my trip to Europe. I feel like I could have gotten more out of that trip if I was more mentally present. I also regret hurting people's feelings and causing misunderstandings. I know there have been instances with people where I was hurt and in my pain probably hurt other people too.
2) Who was your childhood hero?
I was kind of a loner as a kid, and I never felt the whole "my mom is my hero" thing. I did look up to my cousins. I suppose my dad was(is) my hero. I'll always be a daddy's girl.
3) If you had to listen to one song for the rest of forever what would you choose?
damn. thats a hard one. Something mellow and pretty. coldplay, enya.. um. classical. hmm. How about Greensleeves.
4) If you're reincarnated, what do you think you'll come back as?
Maybe a cat, I feel very cat-like sometimes. Not so much in reflexes (although with my klutziness, i am pretty quick. i have to be or I'd be dead) but more in my desire to be mellow. Unless the purpose of reincarnation is to show you a different persective, in which case I might be a bird. I'm shackled down now by my expectations from others and myself and my obsessive planning. and I dont know what its like to have to worry about my well being and stability. If i were a bird I would be completely a free spirit and I'd have to be on the watch all the time.
5) If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live and why?
I would live in Ireland, but I would take Sacramento with me. Not everyone in Sac, just the town, if that makes any sense. Plus my family.
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[09 Dec 2006|05:57pm] |
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mood |
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 sore |
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Long time no write, as usual. The semester is almost over, which is nice to think about when I can stop worrying about finals and projects due. I got in a car accident last night. It was my fault. I rear ended someone. Never a good situation. I am ok however. I woke up this morning with a stiff neck, though, so I think that I have a little bit of whiplash. It's not too terrible. Just soreness. Ibuprofin should take care of it. I'm taking the embodiment challenge for 2007. (see my communities, i dont wanna make a link). I'm at work right now, but I am alone. Which reminds me, I should lock the door..
Done. Now someone scary wont see my car outside the office and decide to try to come in and attack me.
Airborne is pretty cool. It doesnt get much better than a fizzy immune system booster. I'm excited about Christmas time. I have almost everyone's stuff. I need to get Lori's baby a present. Speaking of Lori's baby, I was relieving Lori's dad from babysitting on Thurs. night after meg and I went to a play and when she woke up, she was not a happy baby. did I mention lsat time that I got a new job? I dont remember the last time i posted. I work in the office of EDE Distribution. Robert and I are doing well. I'm rather tired. I know that I'm rambling disjointedly. Sorry. Anyway. I look forward to winter break.
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[15 Oct 2006|05:24am] |
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mood |
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 impatient |
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K so I said i got that job. but more news about it. on my first day with the company, I'm going with the owner on a day trip to a coffee show in SEATTLE. and on top of that, the tea demo that was gonna happen on my last day at William Glen is cancelled as of now. *shrug* they didnt mention why. Plus, that week im going to apple hill and a pumpkin patch. Yay good things. I'm pretty excited. Now, if i can just get through this next week...
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[11 Oct 2006|03:41pm] |
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mood |
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awake |
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SO. I haven't writting in a while. I got a new job (provided I like the hours). I havent put in my 2 weeks yet. I probably will friday. School is good. I am busy. *sigh* I should be getting ready for work. ta ta for now lj land.
Jen
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[24 Apr 2006|07:22pm] |
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mood |
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hurt |
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I hate when you're pissed off about something, because it hurts your feelings, but even if you told them that what they're doing upsets you, they wouldn't stop or do anything to change it, becuase they dont care enough or dont think your thoughts have any value, Yet theyre the two people who should think the highest of you and care what you think the most. MY FEELINGS MATTER DAMNIT
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[04 Apr 2006|03:07pm] |
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mood |
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 thoughtful |
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I'm at school. With my two favorite people. Yay. And I'm waiting for my soup to be ready to eat. I heart Robert and Meg to the uber max. Ok. That is all.
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| betcha didnt expect to see a post from me! |
[07 Mar 2006|11:09pm] |
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mood |
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 concerned |
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I'm still alive! Very busy though. Here's my schedule: I work Fri-Mon, I have school Tues and Thurs, and Wednesday is my only day off. SO. I have every wednesday planned up to april 5th. My evenings are free however. Tomorrow I'm going to Point Reyes with Meg. She's on the phone with her love right now. Um.. I'm not gonna go into like.. daily stuff, but all around I'm Very happy. Great friends, family, and boyfriend. Robert and I are still together, 4 months as of monday, and no complaints. I'm anticipating planting my garden, but its still too cold. I'm going to the psychic fair with my grandma on the 25th and 26th to help run her aura photo booth. Robert and I are going to SF next wednesday. School is good, I'm doing well in my classes, and I'm happy with my job. Ok well thats it for now. Hope everyone else is great!
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| lajrnvitubr |
[15 Nov 2005|01:30pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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Ok it's been a long time since I updated. I've been ridiculously busy. School, work, friends, family, boyfriend (yes, he's my boyfriend now). I only have time to update right now because that I've run myself so ragged that I'm sick. I felt kinda tired and crappy yesterday, and fell asleep around 6, woke up by the phone around 8, and went back to bed around 12, and slept through the night but woke up a bunch of times, you know how you sleep when youre sick, all groggy and wierd. Yeah. So I woke up and took my temp. 99.9. I'm sure I had a fever yesterday too. I skipped class but went to work. I lasted about a half hour at work before I had to come home. I couldnt stand up for more than a few seconds without getting light headed and getting waves of hot and cold and wierdness. So now im in bed. I think I picked up a bug on sunday. Robert and I went to apple hill and had sampley stuff that wasnt extremely sanitary. He wasnt feeling well yesterday either. Oh and he met my parents that day too. they like him.
Um paragraph break. Im getting a's in my classes and doing well at work. Everything is good. ummmmmm i cant think of anything important to say. I think im gonna sleep.
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| 76% of statistics are faulty |
[19 Sep 2005|10:03pm] |
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mood |
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bouncy |
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I am surprisingly content. Life is good.
Check out my journal.
It's supercute.
Meg did it, the genius.
I need to setup a hot date with Shawna. Whoop whoop.
I need to setup a tea date with Meg.
I need to setup another tea date with Nichole.
I need to setup something with Lori.
My friends are better.
I think I missed the class where they talked about "too soon" ;D
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| GRRRRRRRRRRR |
[16 Sep 2005|09:37pm] |
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mood |
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pissed off |
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I am extremely upset with my mother right now. I'm going out dancing with my cousin and she assumes that I'm gonna go drink. I am very pissed off.
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[13 Sep 2005|08:55pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
] |
the deed is done. :/
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cherrysweettink's journal